Mass Effect: Don't Go
by Viperhat
Summary: John Shepard only had a few things he gave a damn about. His sister: Captain Jane Shepard. His best friend: Garrus Vakarian and his soft spot for Tali'Zorah. But all he could do was watch as they left him, one by one. Though the threat of the Reapers was still a problem and he would be damned if they won, not if he could help it... Even if he had to sell his soul to accomplish it.
1. Prologue

(Normandy - Cockpit)

"We're approaching the Mass Relay, ETA 30 minutes."

John Shepard raised a brow, looking down at the pilot with the beginnings of a smirk starting to show. "30 minutes? You getting rusty there, Joker?"

"Hey, you try making this girl dance with only 3 hours of sleep under your belt." Joker responded indignantly, shifting to give John a dirty look. "While your at it, try not to flail your arms about like an idiot, you may break them if you try hard enough."

"Sheesh… Someone's snappy. I suppose you didn't get your valentines love letter from the girl you wanted?" John laughed at the finger he was given, moving closer to the co-pilots seat.

"Yeah, as if." Joker scoffed, focussing his attention on the flight controls once more. "Anyway, there's only one girl for me."

"Really? I always thought the Normandy was a guy."

"What?" It seemed Joker couldn't take that little comment, almost whirling around to look at John with a scandalised stare. "First off: No one ever calls their… anything a guy! Secondly, don't try and make this weird. I'm not into that kind of lovin'."

John snickered. "I wonder what Jane would say, knowing that you are having sexual relations with _her_ ship."

"She'd probably break my legs… Then break yours to make it equal between you and me." The pilot sighed. "Why don't we just keep this conversation sh'dum, yeah? I want to have my limited walking ability for the near future if I can help it."

"Good idea..." John turned, walking away from Joker before stopping and turning back. "My shift starts in 10 minutes, who knows, maybe Tali will take pity on you and give you company up here..."

"Oh really?" Joker smirked. "She ain't mine. Though, she is the only person I can stand talking to."

"Ouch, Joker… Cold." John shook his head, fighting off the grin building up yet again. "I'll be seeing ya'."

"Seeya, Major..." He replied, swivelling around to get back to his baby. "I wonder if he got my little jab at his love life there."

(-0-)

(Normandy – Engineering)

John sighed, stepping out of the horrifically slow elevator and giving a nod to Wrex before turning into the door that led to engineering. The soft hiss of the door opening and subsequently closing behind him seemed to cease any conversation in on the deck as he rounded the corner and saw his two favourite people… Besides his uglier friend and partner, Garrus.

"John!" Tali waved at him and though she tried to hide it, John noticed how quick she was to greet him and how uncoordinated it was to her usual greeting. It was like she had little time to do anything.

Besides her was his sister. His little sister of whom he couldn't be prouder of if he tried. Captain Jane Shepard gave him a smile and a nod. Her fiery red hair that barely dropped past her ears, mostly tucked behind her ears along with bright green eyes that stood out like the citadel on her pale face.

"Tali. How you holding up?"

Tali almost jumped with excitement, like his question gave her new life to her oddly mechanical and loose frame before. He didn't notice his sisters roll of the eyes when Tali began to speak.

"I'm fine, though I really should get back to-"

"Oh no you don't." He chuckled, bringing his Omni-tool up and sending the shift times to her yet again. "It's my shift, Tali. Go and have some time to yourself. God knows you could use it."

He wasn't lying. Where they both shared the skill in engineering, he was more of a mechanist. He spent more of his time helping Garrus fix the Mako after Jane roughed it up than he did doing systems checks, maintenance and repairs to the engine. Tali was a prodigy in engineering, far better than he could ever be. It was the same with Garrus being a better mechanic than he was. Those things weren't exactly areas where he was the master of his craft. Then again, Garrus was only a little bit better than he was.

"But, I need to finish purging the access plasma from the vents! Everyone will fry if I don-" He knew when Tali was going into her babbling mode. She was adorable, but put way too much responsibility on herself. He guessed it came from being Quarian, their need for contributions and supplies from their people likely had ingrained this in her since birth.

"Tali, I'm more than capable of fixing that and other issues that come up. Not as quick as you can – no – but good enough." He gently grabbed her shoulders. She looked up, her bioluminescent eyes boring into his own. It was then he noticed the tensing and how her hands wrung themselves right after.

He also noticed his sister looking at them from the door way. A smirk on her features, like she knew something he didn't. And if there was something she knew that he didn't, then he wanted to find out.

' _I'll deal with you later.'_ He thought, watching her give him a small wave before exiting the engineering deck. Now he had to deal with a nervous and extremely cute Quarian.

"But, if that plasma vents into the deck then you'll be vaporised! I don't-!" She froze, stopping herself from speaking any further. Though he couldn't tell if it was because she thought that she'd offended him or because she wanted to stop herself from saying something else.

"I don't think it will come to that." He gave her shoulder a light squeeze and pointed over her to Engineer Adams. "If anything bad were to happen, Engineer Adams would be able to stop any of that from happening before we're hurt."

She was silent for a little bit after that, John was almost worried that he had said something that had hurt her feelings. But she didn't move away from him, though when he noticed he still had a hand on her shoulder he quickly coughed and removed it.

"Okay..." She looked away from him before walking to the cargo bay. But she stopped herself before she left, turning back to look at him. "John?"

"Hmm?" He looked back to her, he had barely enough time to open the panel back up before she had spoken…

"Umm… I- I… Could I talk to you when you're free again?" She was barely visible in the darkness of the ship, but he could make out her eyes moving slightly, she was looking everywhere but at him.

' _Have I done something?'_ He wondered, trying to make sense of her odd behaviour. _'I hope not, I've already annoyed Liara enough.'_

His joke about Sovereign being a giant space squid seemed to irk her when he had talked to the Asari last. Hopefully she would stop avoiding him, she was starting to annoy him with her silliness.

"Uh, sure. If you want, I mean." He chuckled a little, nerves suddenly filling him before he finished his sentence. Great, now he was feeling weird. Was Tali contagious or something?

"Thank you, John." She quickly hopped back towards the door and almost bolted out of it like she was on fire. Leaving a very confused John Shepard to his shift.

He looked over at Adams and just shrugged, turning to look at the half-finished diagnostic Tali had started. He didn't want the plasma wafting over his luscious skin.

"Women..."

(-0-)

(Jane Shepard – Normandy – Crew Deck)

"I swear, Kaiden, he is just so blind to it all." Jane propped her head onto her elbows as she let out a sigh. Feeling an almost familiar feeling of irritation mixed with humour flow through her veins. "If this keeps up, i'm gonna drag him into my quarters and beat him over the head until he gets it!"

Her partner just chuckled, his gravelly guffaws floating through her ears, making her smile a little. She knew that he understood, Kaiden was good at listening to her. He understood that she was human to and had frustrations.

The harsh light piercing the shadowy confines of the Normandy put great emphasis on his features. He wasn't the best looking person, rather plain overall but in a good way. He was an unassuming face that had just as much expression, sometimes making it difficult to understand how he was feeling. But she had grown accustomed to the small details and signals,the subtle crease of his brow when he was think hard. The way he looked down and away from anyone when he was angry or worried. She knew them all.

Luckily, right now he was grinning. Likely at her small plight.

' _Smug bastard.'_ She thought fondly.

"Don't get stressed about it. You told me that he was never good at this kind of thing." He patted her shoulder, the gesture making her feel warm inside as she smiled lightly at him.

"I know, but you haven't seen the effort that the poor girl puts in just to get him to notice. Today, she was outright fussing over him taking her shift." She shook her head after a few seconds of silence. "She may as well have a neon sign above her head saying 'I love you, John Shepard', but he just seems to miss it."

"Really?" Kaidens face had morphed from casually amused to slightly impressed, taking a making breath before releasing, seeming to just take a moment to process the idea. "I knew he was bad with social cues, but to be that blind? Wow, I mean… how?"

"I don't know… He has always been a little aloof, Kaiden. Akuze certainly didn't help him in that regard." Her hand had begun to clench hard, fisting the air and shaking. "Cerberus bastards."

"Hey." Her partner rubbed her back and almost immediately, her bubbling anger began to fizzle out. He had that magic touch on her. "Don't worry about him, from what I can tell, joing C-Sec helped him. I read his file: started with our Garrus Vakarian and they both took down a few major rings. Though they aren't too popular."

"Your point being, Kaid?"

"My point being that he went from a near traumatised soldier to an impressively capable officer. His blatant disregard for his superiors opinions of him show how his mentality has gone from 0 to 10 and his competency and willingness to join us on a military operation to track down another soldier tells me that he is ready to take those responsibilities again."

He made a good point. Her brother had been close to being placed in a hospital after Akuze, he could barely talk without a stutter and he would break down almost once a day. Then, one day, he just left the alliance and joined the C-Sec force on the Citadel a few months later. It was around that time that the crime statistics in the wards dropped by a considerable margin.

Her big brother had managed to drag himself out of his own personal hell and went back to making the world a better place. And whilst she didn't agree with how he did things on the citadel, she couldn't argue with the results he garnered throughout his 2 year career.

"You're right. I guess I just still worry about him. Something like that doesn't just leave you, y'know?"

"I know."

She looked away, hearing the sudden hiss of the elevator door opening. She stood up, briefly wondering if her brother had come back up, but when she noticed the suited Quarian come through the hallway, bouncing with positivity, she gave up and sat back down.

But she had to know…

"Hey, Tali."

The engineer in question stopped and whipped around. Her body barely stopping as she came over, and sat by her. The light above giving the Quarian the same contrast as her boyfriend.

"Shepard, I did it!"

Janes eyebrows rose at that, excitement filling her body. Almost as if she switched to autopilot, she gently grabbed Tali's shoulders and looked into her eyes, like she was searching for the answer.

"Really?" At her nod, the female Shepard "Yes! Well done!"

"What's she done?" Kaiden looked at the two of them, smirking a little at the excitement they were showing. "Has she confessed?"

Jane looked back, wanting an answer…

Tali rubbed her hands together. "N-Not quite, but I asked to talk to him after he was done..."

"It's a start." Kaiden laughed. "Though it seems a little bit small to get so bubbly over."

"Says you, Mr. Falling-Over-When-Asked." Jane retorted, giving him a smug look as his own face reddened.

"That was because it was out of nowhere..." He muttered, looking away in embarrassment.

Jane ignored him, listening to Tali tattle on. The poor girl was so scared of messing the whole thing up. Personally, Jane wondered why, John wouldn't say no because he liked her to.

When she mentioned the rest of the fuss she had after she left Jane couldn't help but laugh a little. This girl… She was as grown up as she was and yet she was a little child when it came to what she wanted.

"Tali, my brother joined the alliance two years before me. He learned as many martial arts as he could. Hell, I can't even keep up with him in spars. He knows his way around engines and has enough experience to get a vehicle working. I think he'll be able to keep himself safe from venting plasma well enough..."

"He said the same thing..." She heard the Quarian mumble.

"Listen, just tell him how you feel, I can almost guarantee that he'll say yes." She gave her companion a pat on the shoulder before lifting herself off the seat. "Okay, we'll be over Alchera in a few minutes now, so be ready just in case ewe find trouble..."

"You really think we'll find something this time?" Kaiden looked at her, curious.

"The alliance wouldn't send us on a wild goose chase. WE have to make sure that there is no trace of them left."

"Agreed." The confident tone Tali took made Jane smirk slightly.

"Okay, have fun, you two..." She waved over her shoulder before turning and entering her private quarters.

(-0-)

(Alchera – Joker – Normandy – CIC)

-25 minutes later-

"Disengaging FTL drives." Joker swiped the controls, his hand skilfully gliding along the various coloured buttons and panels. "Emission sinks active… Board is green, we're running silent." He grinned.

' _God, I love the Normandy!'_

Pressly sighed to himself. "We're wasting our time. Four days running up and down this sector and we haven't found any sign of Geth activity..."

Joker looked over at the old, grouchy navigator with a shrug. "Three ships went missing in this sector the past week, something must've happened to them."

The evidence was there, the SSV Istanbul went missing, followed by the SSV Southend and SSV Bristol. Each ship losing its communications within minutes of entering the system, it was odd, especially since the SSV Southend was a Cruiser… Something was going on here, but what? Joker didn't know.

"My money's on slavers. The Terminus system is crawling with'em." Pressly sneered, disgust etched onto his face. "The Terminus is a horrible place."

"Well, Navigator, your grasp of the obvious is inspiring as per usual." The pilot snicker, feeling the glare the older man sent his way.

Before Pressly could say anything however, the ensign caught both their attention.

"We're picking something up on the long rang scanner..." She reported, her voice wavering slightly. "Unidentified vessel, looks like a cruiser."

' _Well...'_ Joker frowned. _'Could explain the alliance ships.'_

His eyes caught the odd ship. It looked nothing like he had ever seen before, the armour was barely existent, but the hull was thick. How the ship hadn't fallen apart was amazing.

"It doesn't match any known signatures… Not even Raloi."

A cold feeling came upon Joker. Something was wrong… Something was very wrong.

The ensign's voice rang through once more, but her voice was confused. "Cruisers changing course… Now on intercept trajectory..."

Pressly called back, his own voice beginning to waver. "Can't be, the stealth systems are engaged, there's no way a Geth ship coul-"

"It's not the Geth..." Joker responded, dread filling him as the enormous ship began to turn towards it. "Everybody brace for evasive manoeuvrers!"

He felt panick enter his system as the ship began beeping, the ship was firing at them. The weapon almost cutting them in half before he managed to pull out of the line of fire in time. Joker watched in surprise as a yellow beam of what seemed to be plasma or another form of energy whizzed past the Normandy, seemingly no on end to the attack…

Suddenly, the weapon caught the Normandy's rear thruster, rocking the ship and causing an explosion that felt way too close for the pilot for comfort.

"Shit!" He yelped, hearing the pained scream of Pressly behind him. Soon enough, he heard the Ensign call the Navigators name out before another fiery burst silenced her forever more.

"Kinetic barriers down!" Joker called out, hoping to god the crew hadn't bolted from their stations. Fear etching its way onto his face as he tried his hardest to kep his ship away from the menace behind them. "Multiple hull breaches, Weapons offline and somebody put that fire out!"

The alarms were blaring and the rocking was getting worse and worse as the seconds ticked on by. But he couldn't leave, this ship was savable! He could do it, he just needed some more time.

"C'mon, girl, stay together!"

(-0-)

(Alchera – John Shepard – Normandy – Engineering)

"Shit!" He heard Adams yell. He couldn't blame him…

"The hell going on!?" He growled, grabbing onto the railing for dear life as the ship rocked harshly to the left.

"I don't know, but the Normandy's falling apart!" The chief engineer barked, fear coursing though him. "We need to keep the engine from failing! Otherwise the damn ship with either explode or grind to a halt!"

John looked at him in horror. The engine was buckling and almost falling apart, somehow, the attackers hadn't hit anything important, but the engine was beginning to strain as the dull pulsing became more loud, beginning to crackle.

"How can we stop it?" He called back, trying to keep a firm grip on the railing. He growled, feeling the fear course through him. He wanted the fuckers dead.

"Vent the emissions and purge any damaged power coils and coolant cells!" At Adams response John began quickly punching in various codes and shifting power to different, more important systems.

"The engines cooling down a little, but still climbing fast!" He growled, frustration beginning to mix with the fear as another explosion knocked the ship of kilter again. "Nevermind, that just set it off again!"

He looked over at Adam's who had his Omni-tool up, pain flashing on his features as he deactivated the tool and began making his way over to him.

"I've been told to abandon ship, we- oh god, get down!"

"Wha-"

He looked back at the engine and recoiled in shock. "Fuck!"

The engine had been struck and the plasma hadn't been vented quick enough, the drive core began to fluxgate and rattle before small explosions began to break it down. All could do was watch as the final explosion blew all of the plasma towards him. He could barely close his eyes in time before the burning began…

He felt his skin bubble, burn, char and his nerves light up like fireworks as the pain flashed and rocked his body. He barely registered the screaming, blood-curdling, pained, and terrified before he realised it was him. Nothing relieved it and the burning only grew worse before he felt his consciousness leave him, almost missing Adams frantically grabbing him and dragging him away…

(-0-)

(Alchera – Jane Shepard – Normandy – Crew deck)

"Damn it."

Of course the fire extinguisher was non functional, the only thing she could say that gave her a little comfort was that the immediate area around her was relatively damage free. The only thing stopping the fire escalating to her end was the rigidly cold excess from the broken extinguisher.

Quickly, Jane vaulted over the inflamed table, trying to ignore the bodies of her crew as she made her way to the end of the sleeper pods. Between the heavy smoke and the obnoxiously harsh red lights it was difficult to make out how close she was, but her only chance of survival was down at the end of that hallway so she had no choice.

"Please be there, please be there, please be there…." She winced at the urgency in her own voice. The words were meant to spur her on, but they only made her panic rise faster. She felt the impact of the enemies weapon smash through the deck below and she could only pray to god that her brother had made it out.

As she stumbled over the decaying hull of her ship, a sudden explosion from the ship blasted behind her, she barely had any time to react before she was flung through the air, arching over most of what remained of the sleeper pods and barely managed to shield her head from a collision with the wall just an arms reach in front of her.

She felt the energy leave her, her vision was blurry, her head felt light and dazed. But she looked up and almost cried with joy as she saw the emergency gear – somehow – still intact and functional. She grabbed the helmet and sealed it around her hardsuit, immediately feeling better as the hiss rendered her safe from the outside.

"Okay, beacon, distress beacon!" She clambered over to the left and began fumbling with the controls, hoping that the ship wouldn't detonate before she could send anything out. "C'mon, c'mon, send already!"

Suddenly, the window popped up, telling her that the distress beacon had been sent. Her heart leapt through her chest, almost giving her the confidence she needed. The alliance would be here soon enough.

"Shepard!" Kaiden called from behind her.

Jane whipped her head around to face her partner, surprise shone through her features. Thankfully the helmet stopped it from showing, but she felt happy seeing him, knowing he was alive. She would take anything she could get.

"Fuck… Will the alliance get here in time?" He sputtered, his eyes darting around in his helmet frantically.

She had to re-assure him somehow. Even if – for the first time in her career – didn't feel as confident as she sounded.

"The alliance won't abandon us," She responded, but before she could finish another horrific explosion knocked the man into her. Quickly she caught him and helped him get his balance back. "We just need to hold on a little while longer!"

She ran past him, tossing him the fire extinguisher in the process. "Get everyone left into the escape pods-"

"Joker refuses to leave, he won't abandon ship." Kaiden growled, expelling one of the fires. "I'm not leaving either."

Jane shook her head quickly. "I need you to help get everyone out of here. I'll haul Joker's crippled ass outta here!"

"Shepard!" She heard him call back. This time she couldn't help but let her anger out.

Turning to face him, she thrust a finger towards the escape pods. "Get the hell outta here!"

She could see the conflict on his face, but he relented eventually.

"Aye, aye..." He rushed away after a few seconds of hesitation, disappearing though a haze of fire, smoke and ember.

' _Okay, now, Jokers turn.'_

She was caught off guard by a sleeper-pod being launched into her side, almost knocking her over. Immediately, her left side flared up in pain, making her moan as the heavy pod brushed past her and onto the floor with a heavy thud. She could barely see and the pain in her shoulder wasn't helping. But she dashed through the deck and up the stairs before forcing the door open… Only to be met by the beautifully terrifying sight of Alchera.

And something else…

This was the first time she had seen this ship… and it looked like something out of those old Sci-Fi horror vids. The jagged and cylindrical ship span slowly, pointing the hole directly towards what was left of the Normandy. Jane felt her breathing quicken and become heavier. The ship itself instilled a fear she hadn't felt since Elysium, it was then she realised that she had to get away from the damn thing before she met the fate as some of her crew.

She saw Joker, shielded by the somehow still working barrier. The pilot shuffling through the controls like he had no time left… Which he didn't, whether by her or by the attackers.

"Joker! C'mon, we have to go!" She yelled, passing through the shield. She saw him shake his head as he swiped at the controls again.

"No, I won't abandon the Normandy!" He stubbornly focussed on the controls in front of him, panicking. "I can still save her!"

Jane felt for him, she really did, but now wasn't the time to be sentimental. If he stayed he'd die, if she stayed she'd die.

"The Normandy's dead, just like us if we don't get outta her right now!"

"No, we just have t- Oh no..." He looked over at the monitor, eyes widening as he watched the unknown vessel begin to glow bright yellow at the centre. "They're comin' around for another attack..."

Suddenly, the ship fired upon them once more, but this time the thick yellow laser struck just a few metres away from the cockpit, cutting through the hull like it were made of butter. Jane watched in horror as the rest of the Normandy began to drift away from them.

' _No time left… '_ Jane hurriedly ran back to the pilot, roughly grabbing him by the arm and yanking him out of his seat, uncaring as he gasped in pain.

"Ah! Watch the arm!" He hissed, but letting himself be dragged away to the only escape pod left.

Jane almost shoved him through the hatch before slamming the harness down on him, luckily, he didn't break anything, but he hissed in pain as his fractured arm banged against the wall of the pod. He was trying not to complain but it was taking its toll on him.

"There you go..." The captain grunted before beginning to make her way into the pod…

The next few seconds went by without his knowledge it seemed, because one moment, the Captain was halfway through the pod and the next she was floating by the emergency launch controls.

"Captain!" He yelled, trying to reach out to her, but he knew it was futile. She was too far away.

He saw the unmasked fear lacing her eyes, the terror she felt, the pain she was in, it was all on display. But before he could do anything else she slammed her fist down on the button.

"Shepard!"

The door closed, cutting him off. Jane smiled, watching the pod fly away from the danger…

Her smile slowly began to drop as an explosion rammed her against the wall hard, making her scream in pain as she felt something in her body _snap_. Moments later she realised that she couldn't feel her legs. She was drifting, almost blinded by pain, panic and remorse…

That was the last time that she would see Kaiden, Tali or Liara, in a smouldering wreck that was slowly getting smaller as she drifted further and further away… She ddn't know if her brother was okay, if he had made it. She hoped he had, it was bad enough that Kaiden was going to find out about her losing her life. But Tali would fall apart without her brother there.

Her breathing was cut short suddenly, making her eyes bug out. Momentarily, she though she had stopped on her own volition, before trying to breathe again and coming to the realisation that she _couldn't_. That was when she heard the hiss of her hardsuit and noticed the breach of her hardsuit popping up on the internal systems…

"No..." She felt the whisper leave her lips, uselessly flailing her arms to cover up the multiple breaches. This was really it, her luck had run out, there was no saving herself this time, only the cold embrace of death…

The pain started to set in and she groaned, her lungs were desperate for air, her body writhed and her consciousness began to fizzle before the burning sensation set in. Not of the her lungs, but from the entering of the atmosphere…

' _Goodbye brother… take care of yourself...'_ She thought to herself, hoping that he somehow heard her pleas as she closed her eyes and let the darkness take her away from the mortal realm…

(-0-)

Take that, Shepard. See you in two years time, you paragon biotch.

I apologise if my techno-babble is weak. Sci-Fi isn't my forte.


	2. Broken: One

(Garrus Vakarian – Citadel – Presidium)

There was never a night time on the citadel…

The grand space city had a simulated daytime sky and lights that left very few shadows upon the surface. In fact, it was only whilst going through the Wards would be able to see the sky for what it was – Millions upon millions of stars and an inside view of the Serpent nebula's interior which was a colourful purple and reddish hue of gas.

The Presidium however, wasn't privy to such a view. It ended up stuck with the boringly mundane daylight sky. It was all so simulated, so pristine, sterilised in a way. It felt fake, like it was hiding something – and that was because it _was_ hiding something.

Garrus looked away, trying not to think any further of that train of thought. He never understood the reason why all these stuffy politicians enjoyed this crap so much. The beautiful expanse of space and its many wonders was just below them. In the end he chalked it down to arrogance and a lust for status. The higher the tower, the more expensive it was, the higher you worked or lived within said tower, the more important you felt. You could look down upon the peasents of the world you had complete power over…

' _Jane would've hated having her funeral here...'_ The Turian sighed hollowly, robotically turning back to the ceremony currently taking place. _How much have I missed?'_ He wondered, He preferred not to listen to the oh-so fake politicians, with expressions that hid their true feelings. They were like Vipers; vicious and deadly and laced with poison. The Asari councillor was good enough, he supposed, standing upon the podium, speaking words that were simply jotted down on paper, pretending to care for the Captains achievement's and her Valor. Ever the mediator, she never sided with or against anyone. He supposed he could see why, the Asari life-span meant that they lived to see the effects of their choice play out before them as much a curse as well as a gift.

Valern was cold, logical, as his species usually were. Speaking of Jane's victory as though he were reading off of a shopping list. Garrus had to ignore most of the Salarians speech, it was oily and hard to listen to.

But Sparatus had thoroughly angered him. The Turian councillor had been antagonistic from the start, always mocking or downplaying the Captains actions. His speech was curt but cold, colder than Valern's official diatribe. He ended by saying that he respected the Captain for doing the hard work and John for returning to his duties for this very mission, but the way he said had felt like he was talking with a gun pointed to his head. The bastard didn't mean a thing he said about respect, a true politician.

 _Garrus had to actively keep himself from shouting at him. Fists clenched and straining. 'It's only been 5 days at most! There's no sign of a body, just a helmet! This entire thing is insulting!'_

The Alliance had done a quick sweep of Alchera but found nothing. It was like Captain Jane Shepard had simply disappeared in the explosion. Everything else was there, The wreckage and the burned corpses of the lower deck crew members. But Shepard wasn't there!

He had to remind himself that his anger would cause trouble, for himself and the others. He looked to his right and his eyes met with Urdnot Wrex, the Krogan stared at him, Garrus couldn't tell anything from looking at him. Krogan were hard to read, harder than Turians or Hannar and Wrex was pretty damn smart. But the numbness set in. He knew that was going to be harder now. The Normandy had been an eye-opening experience for him, the Reapers were still a threat and the two best soldiers were down for the count.

Suddenly; He heard Anderson's voice make its way through his ears. Though he was sad to hear the strain rumble through the usually gruff yet strong voice of the Captain-made-Councillor. He turned back, eyes barely needing to adjust to the slightly brighter view from where Anderson stood. He looked a little rough, leaning over the podium slightly, head drooped a little. It was as if he was still trying to look unaffected by the reality of the situation. Garrus had the give the Human credit, he put a few of the Turians best generals to shame with how well he was handling himself.

"I first met the Captain when me and my squad landed on Mindor." He began, staring out, searching for someone it looked like. "She and her brother had been laying down under the corpse's of those who had died during the attack. Her brother had taken a bullet to the hip, barely missing anything important. But Jane just stands up and frightens my squad a little." He chuckled wetly, probably thinking of that incident if he was right.

"This little girl, standing up like the undead, among a sea of blood. That isn't something you see everyday." The man smiled a little. And Garrus could see the way it didn't reach his eyes, it was fake. "Then her brother joins her, looking at us like we were about to kill them. Then they both try to shield each other and end up freezing when they bump into one another. They stare at me and my men for god knows how long before asking if we were there to kill them. I… I honestly can say that it was then I saw it – that spark…"

"That passionate fire in their eyes, igniting beyond the darkness of of the void. It burned fierce and true, it said to me that they wouldn't go down quietly if they had to fight. Soon enough we had gained their trust enough for us to call an evac shuttle and get John treated. Then I didn't see them for another 3 years before I hear about these twins surging through the ranks. Imagine my surprise when I see that it is those same scared yet tough children I had rescued a few year prior."

"Jane Shepard was a fantastic soldier, a true paragon of humanities good and true beliefs of justice, integrity and prowess. She held strong against the Batarian raid on Elysium, fighting on her own and with very limited supplies for 5 hours before her brother and the response teams landed in. And where most would retire from that kind of strain, Jane stayed true, became better, stronger and faster. Elysium wasn't an obstacle for her, it was just a small hill to conquer."

"And finally, Jane Shepard was a brilliant person off the battlefield, when her brother had returned from Akuze, she stayed by him as he recovered. She made sure he was never alone as long as she could, doing everything for him and expecting nothing back. Even outright trying to deny a well deserved reward if she believed that it was expected of her. She took the time to make sure that people were happy or content and always stood steadfast against injustice of any kind..."

It went silent for a second, and Garrus realised that he had zoned out, utterly enamoured by the councillors speech. He was passionate, telling the story of the wonder child as with a proud look upon his face. A proud look that quickly left when the ugly truth came back to him. The councillor was genuinely pained by the loss, like he had lost his child (for lack of a better term).

"And I can only pray that wherever she may be now. She's putting in a good word for us. Rest in Piece: Jane Shepard…. The galaxy burn duller for our loss."

And that was it…

After that, the people started clearing out. Only then did he even think about glancing at anything or anyone other than the damn ground or fake sky.

Hesitantly, he turned his head, noticing that Tali had just disappeared and that everyone else was still sitting there. He slumped down on himself, elbows perched upon his legs as his head rested itself in his hands. Looking back, he could see the small, shaky figure of his Quarian friend trudging away and into the gathering crowd to the point where he couldn't see her anymore…

"I still can't believe it..." His ears picked up the soft voice of Liara, she sounded regretful. Though Garrus understood, he felt the same way. He would never know if he could have done something differently, hindsight would always be 20/20. "After all we've done, to know she's gone, I-"

"Please." Kaiden whispered, Agitation mixing with sorrow as he spoke. Garrus felt that too, agitated, every little inconvenience felt like a whole new problem. The Turian gazed over at the man speaking, feeling the need to look at him. "Not here… I just want some peace for now."

"Alenko," Wrex grumbled, patting the man on the shoulder with a surprising gentleness. "She died a warriors death, an honour for any true soldier. Probably scaring the grim reaper as we speak, haha..."

At first, he felt anger bubble up at the krogan's callousness and was ready to step in and shout him down when he noticed the somehow solemn look he was giving the slightly shaking man. Ignoring those around him and expressing what must have been a Krogan way of grieving.

"I gotta go..." He mumbled, offering half-hearted waves before stalking away from the damn podium. Where he was going, he didn't know, his body was in control right now, not his brain. All he wanted right now was some time and space, he had things to do and one other person to see.

He barged his way through crowds of people, ignoring the jeers and outrage he got in response. Autopilot just continued to carry him from one featureless place to another. All familiar yet all alien at the same time. He knew that he should probably visit John and see if he was improving… But the idea of seeing his friend, in the state he was left in just left him with knots in his stomach. Even now he remember opening the pod and smelling the cooked flesh, the pus and the blood. He recalled his visor picking up serious radiation issues emanating off of his friend and he could still hear the horrified wail that came from Tali. Those were the main thing that made sleeping so difficult. Picturing Johns face, an amalgamation of burnt flesh, pus bubbles and scars made him want to vomit and gain the ability to cry all at once.

Then all of the emotions he had felt came back to him…

Liara's Regret

Kaiden's Agitation

Wrex's Grieving

…

…

That was when he felt it again, bubbling inside, before he was only scarcely aware of it, but when he recollected everything that had happened over the last 5 days: The Normandy's destruction, Jane's death, John grievous injuries, Tali despair, the calls, the media, the politics… he ceremony…

He felt Enraged…

He understood and felt his crew-mates emotions, because he felt them too.

Liara's Regret

Kaiden's Agitation

Wrex's Grieving

He understood it because:

He was Enraged…

A snarl made it through his mandibles, snapping him out of his revere. He found himself standing outside of Chora's den, the nasty little gentlmens club in the lower wards. He remembered this place, and that only filled him with more emotion than he knew what to do with…

When he found those responsible for hurting those close to him, he was going to carve out their skulls and feed them to a thresher maw.

But right now, he needed a drink...

(– 0 –)

(Tali'Zorah – Hospital ward – Citadel)

After the memorial had ended, she had abruptly left, not even bothering to say goodbye to anyone. She couldn't stay there any longer, everything felt forced and fake to her ears as she listened to the councillors step up and speak. What shamed her was that none of the crew had asked to go up, none of them had the strength to say any words for the crowd.

Jane had been a sister to her – which she was thankful for – it had always crossed her mind that she could have had a sister, but due to the conditions of her people, such a possibility was impossible. But Jane had given her that experience, the little moments where she would listen to her worries and wonders or the little teases she would send her way whenever her brother had been mentioned. She had been the first to know of her culture along with John. Jane had given her the confidence when she mentioned the feelings she was beginning to feel for her brother, even listening to her explain the path in detail.

The way the lower wards darkened everything around her was symbolic to her. The longer her mind focussed on anything Shepard related the more and more she had to think about the last time she would ever speak to Jane…

And John… John was never going to be the same…

A sob threw her out of her thoughts, that was when she realised where she was. In the same room that they had brought John too. The burns unit, if she remembered correctly. A semi-dark, relatively spacey room with a single, occupied bed with a side table to the right that held up various ointments and paste dispenser that peaked over the used up mountain of bandage rolls. Her mind reeled at the thought of what could possibly be under the thick, white material now wrapping almost everything that was John Shepard.

Tali could barely see anything of him, and she couldn't keep looking. This was her fault, she should have been there, venting the excess plasma and stabilising the drive-core during the attack. If she had just managed to convince him that she was still needed there he would be up, able to walk, not lying, half rotten in some sterile, lifeless room with injuries so grievous that it is a miracle in itself that he was alive.

She was vaguely aware of her tears staining her cheeks, the sniffles she desperately fought back with fervour – unwilling to let herself break down – and her rage, her hatred; hot and painful, coursing through her body like foreign bacteria the longer she stared at him. What was he going to do now? His injuries assured that his line of work had no place for him anymore, and no matter how good he was that wouldn't stop the branch from keeping him off. Would he just recover only to waste away in some dingy bar, drowning his sorrows with alcohol? Would he go rogue? Lose his mind?

"Oh, John..." She sniffed, shaking the thoughts away… a fruitless effort on her part. "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry..."

Unable to keep herself restrained any further, she rested her visor on his wrapped up shoulder, knowing that he could neither feel it or even know she was doing it. His eyes remained close, no longer charred shut by the eyelids. The memory of his injuries and afflictions had almost been enough to knock her over, like someone had turned her legs off.

The doctors face had been so _fake…_

(– 0 –)

 _-4 days earlier-_

" _I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this: but his injuries have been extensive..." The asari nurse looked at her before glancing at Garrus and Wrex who were behind her._

" _Just give us the damn facts already..." Wrex growled, the Krogan clearly annoyed at the woman's robotic attempt at empathy. The woman cleared her throat, realising that they were not there for comfort._

" _Whatever happened to your friend, it has turned his body into one big 3rd degree burn. He will likely never be able to work properly again even with our treatments. The nerve damage was extensive, most of his body will be numb for the rest of his life and some will be outright non-functional. Unfortunately the damage doesn't seem to have just stopped with that..."_

" _What?" Tali whimpered, barely registering the hand on her shoulder. "How could there possibly be more?"_

" _There was traces of radiation in his body, not enough to kill him, likely whatever burned had also saved his life. However, it managed to enter his bloodstream and infect various parts of his body."_

" _What kind of damage is that going to cause, doctor?" Garrus interrupted. He sounded sick to his stomach._

" _His right arm was infected by the radiation the most, likely having taken the brunt of this accident. We tried to save it, but between the total shutdown of the nerves along with the corrosion of the muscle it was impossible. His right arm will have to be amputated..."_

" _No… No, no, no, no… Surely the damage isn't that bad, what about cloning the tissue? Surely that can be done for him!" She knew she was going to ramble, but they couldn't have thought of everything! For the sake of the ancestors, John was sitting in there with his life in the balance!_

" _Unfortunately, the Geth attack had destroyed most of our equipment, and our cloning technology was irreparably damaged in the attack. It was rare and expensive, it'll be years before we even have another working prototype… And I hate to say it, but i'm afraid Mr. Shepard doesn't have that long."_

 _Whatever Tali was about to say was cut off by the sudden, icy admission from the doctor. Without really thinking, she had stormed up to the asari and pointed her finger at her. "What do you mean…?"_

 _To the doctors credit, she didn't wvaer under the intense, angry quarian's heated words. "The radiation has done too much damage to his body, shutting down most of his nervous systems as the – I assume fire – burned the individual nerves to a crisp. His body can only fight against the inevitable, though he is remarkably strong willed, he'll pull through this, but I am afraid he'd only get another two years or less before his body can no longer take the strain..."_

 _Silence over-swept the group… Those words had been curt, informative to a horrible degree. The information in question was everything she had not wanted to hear… John was going to die, within two years…_

" _You're lying..." She whispered, shaking her head as she stepped back from the doctor. Causing a few of the security guards near the back to relax a little. But she paid them no mind, she paid no one any mind… "You're wrong. H-He'll be fine! He'll be up and talking soon!"_

" _He'll awake soon, but he'll be in pain. Its likely he'll be in pain for the rest of his life..." The doctor looked down, finally showing some emotion since the conversation started. "I-I'm sorry… I know how it is to feel like this. My daughter lost both her legs in the attack… I hate having to tell people of a similar fate awaiting their loved ones."_

 _Garrus was suddenly by her side, placing a gentle hand on the doctors shoulder. Making her look up at him. "Its fine, we understand. He's just very important to us."_

" _No, no. I know. Its just-" She sighed, looking down again. "I hate this job. I hate this..."_

" _We all do, lady." Wrex grumbled, strangely sympathetic despite the blunt response._

 _Tali ignored them all. Engulfed in another bout of crying that had been almost constant since she had made it to the citadel._

(– 0 –)

-Present-

She never got to see what was under those bandages. Shell-shock had engulfed her body during the rescue from Alchera. But she remembered how the doctors came out, looking like they had stared death in the face, faces white as a sheet and eyes haunted. It was as if they had been exposed to their worst nightmare rather then _her_ John.

But as she stared down on his sleeping form, unmoving – almost lifeless in a sense – the more she felt guilty. If only she had just finished her damn job before letting him take over! Maybe she wouldn't be here, looking at whatever remained of John Shepard, wondering what could have gone differently.

She couldn't stay here, the more she stayed in this room the more it felt like she was drowning. She felt emotions crawl up from the pit of her stomach, emotions she was determined to ignore.

She stood up slowly, taking in John one more time before turning to the door. Opening it and stumbling through before looking back one more time… She couldn't watch this, the result of her decisions put in front of her on that bed. The one life she didn't want to hurt in any way reduced to a mess of scars and burns.

Once more, she turned around and walked away, not looking back, trying to ignore the soft, miserable rasp escape the messed up lips of John as the tears began anew… This was better for the both of them.

"Tali… please..."


	3. Broken: Two

**Yeah, so I haven't written for a few days. That is because I had watch the crap with telltale uncurl. And one of my favourite series is The Walking Dead. Wasn't exactly in the mood to write and more of in the mood to sulk, but i'm writing again, so hey, there's that.**

(– 0 –)

(John Shepard – Citadel – Hospital Ward)

\- 2 Weeks Later -

The first thing he was able to simply register was pain. An all encompassing pain that tore through his body like an electrical fire, threatening to shut his brain down again from the sensation of burning. He could barely move – he realised – though with how much it hurt to move his head to the side gave him more than enough reason not to utilise it. It felt like his skin was being pressed down on him, acting like a latex suit around his body and all he could see was a side table. A side table that was almost overflowing with used up rolls of what he assumed were bandages (it explained that tightness,) balm, paste and other such supplies.

Fear shot its way up his spine at that moment. Everything was coming back to him. The Normandy's collapse, the unknown attackers, the drive core… The plasma…

With a loud groan he lifted his head up, his muscles straining to their limit to accomplish the simple task making him grimace. His eyes raked across his body, even though he couldn't see anything he knew there had to be bad burns underneath all of the bandaging. Though that was okay, he didn't want to know just now. Thankfully, the dimness of the lighting here was enough to not allow him to make any detail out either.

Suddenly, his head went limp and fell back onto the pillow with a thud, bringing his banged up head down with a tiny yelp escaping his rough and raw throat. He winced, trying not to moan from the pain, for some reason his throat was more hoarse than it should be.

' _Oh god… this really hurts… feels like I just stepped into the drive core.'_ John tried to look around further before realising the futility of it all, his neck was just too weak, he couldn't even support his own head. Like a baby no older than a few weeks old. An embarrassingly uncomfortable situation to be in.

With his body – to his assessment – being incapacitated the only thing for his mind to do was wander. He thought about his friends and crew from the Normandy itself, where they were now, if they were okay. He hoped, he hoped to high heaven that his sister was alive, the altruistic side of her wouldn't have let anyone be left behind and Joker seemed to be controlling the ship when they were trying to fix the engine. His thoughts also went to Garrus and what could possibly be doing now, he never liked working for C-sec and the destruction of the Normandy signified their end to the SPECTRE lifestlye. He would miss that and he knew that Garrus would mourn it to.

Finally, his mind focussed around Tali…

' _I couldn't have just told her, could I… I just had to bury my head in the fucking sand...'_

He knew about her affections, he had for a while. He knew that his sister likely teased him when he wasn't around to defend his honour. The only thing he couldn't understand about the entire thing was why Tali would want anything to do with him. He was a washed up, broken old soldier with the future that was only marginally better than Omega scum. He was a 26 year old Section 6 cast off. But he was happy, happy that someone could still see the man beneath the scars and trauma, he guessed that it was due to how Quarians had to grow up with those suits was how she connected to him in some way. But even his sister had become different around him, not treating him like the capable soldier he used to be. The things they fought weren't scarring for him, nothing was worse than Thresher Maw ambushes.

He hoped that she was okay, that she had made it through the ordeal, he couldn't bare to think of the alternative. The life drained from his body, thinking about that kind of future, the galaxy had enough shitty people in it, the last thing needed was for the good ones to die sooner.

A sudden hiss broke through the silence he hadn't realised was there, he looked over to the entrance and suddenly smiled, thought he pain hurt, he didn't care…

"Hey, John..." Garrus started, he seemed… mournful…

But it was then he saw his eyes staring at him he suddenly lost that look and smiled through his mandibles.

"About time you woke up. Enjoy your nap?" He teased, though John noticed how forced it sounded and frowned a little.

"Water..." He croaked, causing the Turian to swear a little before pulling out the most beautiful thing John could ever see.

"Ahh, I know you're having trouble using those weird five fingered hands of yours, Shepard, so I'll have to be your nurse for today..." He chuckled, but again it sounded like he was trying to be happy. Though he made good on his statement, bringing the bottle to his lips and tipping a little of its contents into his mouth…

John couldn't believe this, unable to even move properly and relying on his best friend to give him some fucking water. Garrus would probably hold this over him for days when they both got back into C-sec… If they were allowed back into C-sec.

The cooling, soothing liquid streamed down his throat, giving him that much needed moisture his voice desperately needed. Within seconds, he felt that nasty itchiness faded and his throat no longer felt parched to hell…

"Thanks..." He breathed, wincing at the croak his voice still held. The water should have taken that away along with the dryness. "I… needed that."

"I'm sure you did, John..." Garrus went silent after that, like he was thinking of what he could say. It did make Joh smile a little, His Turian friend wasn't ever any good with the heart to heart talks and probably never would be. But his solemn expression never left, if anything, to John it just felt more thick than it was before he came in here.

Something was troubling him greatly…

"What's… What's wrong, Garrus?" The question seemed innocent enough, but it was likely anything but. Garrus only looked further down into his hand and sighed. His entire body looked as if it would collapse in on itself in Johns opinion, there was a tension that permeated the Turian's frame, making him shake slightly. It was like he was trying to keep tonnes of weight on his shoulders without rest.

John found himself tensing too, trying to ignore the pain and uncomfortable worry settling In his stomach.

"Garrus, what's wrong?"

Garrus sighed. "John… Jane's- Damn it, Jane's dead." His face set in stone, as if he was re-living the event in question. "She was spaced near the Normandy's cockpit. Joker's alive."

John just laid there, looking at Garrus, his words barely registering and still being digested. His mind racing at the implications of the concept that what he had just been told. He only just realised that his body was strangely painful all over, like the burns were intensifying to an unbearable point.

"Jane?" He wanted it to be wrong. Some sick joke that Garrus was playing on him, at least then he'd have an outlet. But at his best friends solemn nod…

"My little sister… No… Oh god, no!" Sudden violent coughs erupted from his throat, little flecks of blood marking the pristine white sheets in front of him, but he didn't care. He was in pain, his own volume surprised him almost as much as the pain that followed. He was aware of Garrus' flinch and sudden cussing, bolting out of the room to get a doctor probably.

John tried to breath, but the pain kept the tickling coming back to bring forth another awful bout of fitful coughing, more little drops of blood and more pain in his heart only kept him more distracted.

She couldn't be dead, it wasn't possible, she had survived the fucking Skyllian Blitz, for fuck sake! His little sister, who gave him strength when he had none left, after Akuze when he watched his men, his friends get torn apart and liquefied by a pack of Thresher Maws. The same sister who managed to chase down and defeat Saren, the legendary spectre…

She was the only family that he had left… And now, even she was dead…

He was alone… so completely, hopelessly alone…

"Hold still! This'll make you feel better." A voice came from his front, but he didn't bother looking up, this was what he wanted.

"No…" Another violent rumble stopped him form carrying on. "Please!"

But before he knew it, a calming feeling rushed through his body, soothing his veins, taking the tickling away… making his eyes heavier as those small seconds went by…

No, this isn't what he wanted, he didn't want dreams, he didn't want life, knowing what was not waiting for him on the other side.

"It's okay John, you'll feel better when you wake up." Garrus tried to reassure him, but John could only smiled wanly. His vision going completely black as he did so, causing him to lose the strength to even maintain it.

No he wouldn't…

(– 0 –)

(Garrus Vakarian – Citadel – Citadel Tower)

– 1 Week Later –

"Damn it!" His dual-toned voice rang out from his apartment, causing him to get several bangs back in return, all telling him to keep the noise down. All complaints barely registered with him, only just keeping him from punching his wall as if the wall itself was Saleon.

Looking around his cramped, dusty space he noticed the comfy couch to the far end of the living quarters. It called to him, enticing him with its softness, and Garrus was feeling so tired after everything.

The media hadn't stopped hounding them until recently, and they'd probably try again now that word of the funeral had likely gotten out. There was no way that anyone could keep it down, especially with how much Sparatus seemed to enjoy getting back at Jane. There was one time he'd been cornered by Jalahni after a few rounds with the Asari News Network and Palaven Interstellar News, he had been emotional and when he got emotional, his go to method of dealing with it was to transfer that to anger… It was the Turian way, hold your head up high, use you emotions, channel it into strength or throw it away.

In short, he had given the reporter a nasty bruise via a hard right hook. He remembered watching John spar with his sister in that human fighting style – Boxing, he believed John called it – and how he described it as the best punching fighting style. John had used others, he couldn't remember all of them, but John constantly talked about one called Maui-Thai and another two named Teakwondo and Capoeira. But he only ever saw the benefit for him in Boxing and took the challenge of making his punches better… And Jalahni felt the full brunt of that.

He remembered when Tali had been found by The Citadel Times and almost broke down in the process of their… invasive questions, regarding John and Jane Shepard. He hadn't felt so outraged before, his friend was suffering loss on two fronts (in a way) and the news only cared about what they could use to get viewers...

H

His mind brought him back to when John talked about Earth's news media before they got into space and how he'd read up on the history of how it was used. How Earth's media always had an agenda, global control in ways that made him feel sick and others in ways that made him laugh out loud.

He didn't know when, but he had ended up sitting on his couch, slumped over a PDA in his talons. He wanted to find something on the matter, see If he had missed anything that was said and how people were interpreting the things that were said. He felt shame whenever he found a comment on how he and the other crew members didn't say anything, anger when he found memes of Jane Shepard with cartoon dead eyes with white captions saying 'Reapers did it' and small satisfaction in seeing the majority of the world chew the councillors out for the cold and dishonourable way they treated Jane. It was the one time he'd seen Turians and Humans agree on the same thing.

But whilst skimming through the articles, he found an article from the news media 'Battlespace' where the councillors were standing in the presidium tower. It was clearly a few moments after the funeral as they were all dressed in the black garb. It had been posted merely minutes ago and he was suddenly curious about the article, that was until the title of the article came up…

When his eyes laid themselves upon it, his rage came back full force…

 _ **Posthumous Denial: Citadel Council dismisses famous 'Reapers' allegation from Jane Shepard!**_

He shot up instantly, hot breath leaving him in huge growls as he stormed out of his apartment and towards the human embassy…

He had a few words to say to the new council member…

And they were not going to be kind…

(– 0 –)

(Tali'Zorah – Far Rim – Dholen)

She made sure to download as much of the Geth Information as she could onto hardrives as a back-up, dedicating the entire trip through the galaxy to that particular task. If she didn't then she'd begin to cry anew and this time she wouldn't be able to tell it apart from her grief and all pervading shame she felt at leaving this early on. The last time John would see her before her departure was back in that engine room, handling responsibilities she failed to complete in time. Responsibilities that would leave him with a terrible fate for the rest of his short life... and she couldn't bare watch him degrade over that time. Shambling from one place to another, in constant, near paralysing pain just from merely moving, traumatised and mourning. That was not the image she wanted of him, not the fate she wanted for him.

The only comfort was that she had managed to keep everyone's E-mail addresses. Garrus been thoughtful enough to supply everyone with those particular modes of communication so they could all keep in touch. He was probably in worse shape than her, emotionally. John had been his best friend and a brother to him, a partner in crime with the same steel in his eyes at the sight of injustice.

He had been so upset when she said her goodbyes...

 _"You're leaving?... Now, of all times?" He asked incredulously, his harmonic voice deep and rumbling as he frowned at her._

 _"I-I have to get the data to my people, Garrus." She winced at the response, that was weak, even for her. She noticed how his talons curled into fists, shaking just ever so slightly and tried to placate the grief-filled Turian. "I can't... I can't be here any longer than i already have, i'm sorry!"_

 _"No, it's fine... I get it." He growled back, making her insides twist. "You're abandoning us, abandoning him! I get what this is so you don't have to tell me."_

 _He was so angry..._

 _Guilt crashed through her veins at that point in time, but it also gave way to anger. Why couldn't he just understand that she couldn't be there? That trying to outlast what she felt was slowly killing her? Was it his own Turian pride that prevented him from realising what this was doing to her?_

 _"Don't put that on me, you Bos'tet!" She warned, surprising herself with how fast the anger came. "You can lie to yourself all you like, but i know that being here, watching John... Watching John slowly wilt away whilst knowing what happened to his sister. It's too much for me, i can't watch him die like this!"_

 _"That isn't a guarantee!"_

 _"It is!" She almost yelled in his face, losing most restraint as she started shaking. Feeling the want to break down right then and there. "You can lie to yourself, but don't lie to me and expect me to stay silent! In... In two years, John will be dead. In two years, the man i love will no longer be alive. So i'm making the decision to remove that pain from him and from me... No matter how much it hurts."_

She had stormed past him at that point, barely catching his surprise. She wanted to feel satisfaction from finally shocking him, but know that it would be the last time she ever saw him again dissolved that desire almost immediately.

So there she was, a lone Quarian with no one but precious data and and her own grief to keep her company. Only an hour into her decision and she already hated herself and everything she had done.

But what was done was done. And she would have duties to the migrant fleet very soon, the migrant fleet, form where she would probably never move away from again...

It couldn't be that bad, she wouldn't be subject to the pain that she was now.

(– 0 –)

 **I apologise this took so long.**

 **But I hope you enjoyed it, eitherway.**


	4. Broken: Three

**I'm gonna say, the reviews I got for the second chapter of this story are the post reviews I've gotten for one chapter in a very long time. Cheers for that, glad to see I am still capable of making stuff worthy of that kind of response. XD**

(– 0 –)

(Garrus Vakarian – Citadel – Human Embassy)

The door hissed softly as the panel split apart and receded into the wall perfectly, though Garrus didn't pay it any mind as his eyes focussed on the new councillor for humanity. He felt his hands tighten as the talons curled into fists, anger brimming as much as his emotion was driving his actions. He kept an eye on Anderson as he looked up in slight surprise, well hidden behind a raised eyebrow.

He looked around, noticing nothing out of place, nothing awry or even slightly off. Normally, it would have comforted him, knowing that this man was just as normal as he was. But he only felt the same rage boil his blood as it had when he found out the news.

"You have some nerve, 'Councillor'." He leaned over the desk, boring into the ex-captains eyes, watching as the surprise went to mild dissatisfaction.

' _Good...'_ He thought, taking slight pride in that small, unnoticeable feat.

"Vakarian?" Was all he said in response for a few moments, staring back into the Turians eyes with a shocking amount of hardness. "I take it you have a better reason to be here other than to take pot-shots at me?"

"You tell me." Garrus growled back, reaching behind his person, hiding a small smirk at the sudden tensing of Anderson's jaw. But before anything could be done, he pulled out his PDA and tossed it onto the desk separating him from the human. He watched as Anderson reached out, picking the tablet up and skimming through the article, his eyes becoming more tired as he did so.

"Well, nothing to say? Nothing about this… crap?"

Anderson sighed, dropping the tablet and looking down, head falling into his hands. "What is it you want me to say, Vakarian? This was out of my control and you know it."

"I am sure..." The Turian placed his hands on the desk, glaring as he leaned in, he could see Anderson's face but it was clear that whatever the man felt was hidden well enough. "But Shepard was – for all intents and purposes – Your protege… Yes, now you look up. I've done my homework, councillor."

"I'll let that slide this time, only because I understand what your going through, but I will remind you of who I am, just incase you forgot to do that little tid-bit of 'homework'." The councillor's tired eyes stared back, his frame hunched and frail, as if he had been put through the wringer. Garrus found himself involuntarily backing away from the man, away from the desk and standing straighter than he had before he had come in.

"I am the man who has been by John and Jane's side for years upon years. I was the man who rescued them from a fate of terror on Mindoir. I have more medals than you have years under your belt and more experience than even a good portion of your generals." The ex-Captain glared, his tone scornful. "I watched those two grow from terrified little kids to outstanding soldiers, outstanding people. They had their own problems, but they both became model citizens and i'd believe them over the other councillors any day of the week."

"The why'd you let them take a crap all over Jane's memory!?" The Turian couldn't let this slide, no matter how painful this must be be for the human before him.

"Because it was a 3 – 1 vote!"

Anything Garrus could have said escaped him in that moment. For the first time, he registered the fully uncovered feelings and expressions David Anderson was in battle with. His previously steely look corroded into helplessness. A look that didn't look in any way belonging on such an esteemed man. A face that could only be expressed by man when he truly had little to no control left.

The man – for the first time since Garrus had known him – began to show massive signs of wear and tear.

"The only thing I can do is keep pushing the facts any chance I get. But the council are running scared." He shook his head as a heavy sigh bellowed from the slight gap between gap between his lips. "Sovereign is nightmare stuff, brutal. A part of me understands why they are so desperate to bury their heads in the sand. But all I can do is hat i'm doing now, pushing the alliance to commission more ships, frigates, dreadnoughts, whatever they can squeeze out from the treaties the council have on us."

"But that is the only thing I can do, and even in that area I am getting little progress made..." He finished, his voice going from a thundering clap to a pathetically quiet whisper of defeat. "Backroom politics really was my kryptonite..."

Nothing else was said, but nothing had changed either. Garrus still felt that uncomfortable anger at the man, even though he was clearly out of his depth on this issue. Jane's memory was still being tarnished and ignored as they dared still use her image on recruitment posters. Nothing had truly changed, the mission of stopping Saren really hadn't done anything but bring out the true colours of the council.

And if all that he and his friends had been through didn't change anything on the citadel, then what could?

The question floated around In the Turian's head, refusing to leave his brain like a bad memory. Hell, even he and John barely changed anything, crime still occurred commonly in the wards and now he was just one man. John would never be able to help him again…

"I've heard enough… Goodbye, Anderson."

He gave the damaged man one last look, taking in the defeat and the horrible reality that he had been saddled with before turning around and removing himself from the office.

He couldn't be there anymore… He couldn't stay _here_ anymore, not when everything was so irreparably broken and corrupt. Too many bad things stayed with him here, not enough good things to balance the bad in contrast, not enough to give him that naive hope which kept him going for so long in C-sec.

The shadows fell upon him, looking around he realised where he was. In his apartment, near the bedroom where he kept most of his most precious belongings. It wasn't big, smaller than the living room but bigger than the bathroom. How he ended up here without his knowledge never occurred to him, he just wanted out.

Grabbing his credit chit, he got up and looked around for his trusty sniper rifle, finding it leaning against the wall of his living room. How long he'd have the shitty weapon was an unknown to him. But it was a present from John after there first year as partners in 'non-crime' as he called it.

"I'm sorry, John…" He whispered, his mandibles clenching to his face in regret. "This… This is for the best, for you and me."

With his final elegy to his best friend said and done, Garrus Vakarian flicked the light switch off and walked over to the door behind him, giving the room one last pitiful look before walking out. Engulfing the apartment in blackness...

(– 0 –)

(John Shepard – Citadel – Hospital Ward)

\- 1 Month Later -

He didn't know how to feel, not that he did much of that anymore…

Was it even worth it, reacting to anything the world threw at him? It had already taken so much away without giving him any reason to hope. Too long has it threw him under the dreadnought's hull for him to care any longer. The time he had even ave a shit about anything was when Garrus had visited a month back, but even then he hadn't been back since. Hell, he had only found out where his friends are when Anderson – like the true friend he was – chose to tell him.

They had all gone, left him alone… Like some garbage left to rot…

He remembered _trying to feel something_ at this news, only for the pure shock to freeze his emotions at the time.

Though if they had been unfrozen, he certainly didn't know… Nor could he find it within himself to care anymore.

His life had been sitting in hell's waiting room for so long now. He knew exactly how many little dots were on his bandages…

Bandages that were meant to be coming off today…

A sudden, violent cough erupted from his cracked lips, sending a few more flecks of blood onto his mummified body. He grunted painfully, looking down on the numerous stains from the same cursed action that had accumulated over the month's progression. They covered the top of where his chest should be, all different shades of red, some more brown from just how long it had been. The nurses working on him couldn't change the bandages, not whilst he was still in constant agony from just living.

It was horrible, the burning had subsided but the pain still persisted. Whenever he moved it would flare up like a bad rash, his body would freeze for a second before calming again, his previous action forgotten about in fear of evoking his bodies wrath yet again.

The bandages would likely be coming off in a few minutes, he would finally see what he'd become. What he had been turned into…

He knew enough, his body would likely give up on him in two years time, the pain would continue regardless of treatment and his muscles would deteriorate regardless of the amount of exercise he did. His future was lost, nothing left to be alive for, nothing to look forward to and even less to give it worth.

Even if he didn't look too scarred, his live was worthless now. For all intents and purposes, he'd rather have died on the Normandy…

At least he'd be with his sister, his little sister who could do no malicious harm to anything that didn't deserve it.

"Fuck..." He croaked, frustrated at his lack of tears. Yet another thing he'd never do again, his tear ducts were ruined and he was stuck feeling the effects of his emotions without having the ability to release any of it.

' _What did I do to deserve this?'_ He could only ask, knowing that no miraculous answer would be coming. But it was unfair, what had he done wrong?

"Mr. Shepard?"

That sounded wrong… He wasn't worthy of a 'Mr' anymore…

He looked up, surprise at not noticing the nurse enter. A Turian with bright green face paint on his mandibles and brow plates. He watched as a few others entered, along with Anderson. He felt comfort, knowing that at least he would be there to see the monster he was now…

But even then… John hoped against everything that he didn't bare anything worse than a few scars and burns…

"Yeah..." He whispered, trying not to irritate his pathetic throat anymore than it already was.

The nurse looked at the others, getting nods before looking back.

"Well, today we get to rid you of those bandages. So you can at least move properly after today." He declared, mandibles flaring out a little. "And after that, you will finally be out of this damn room. So, congratulations on your recovery!"

"Hmm…" John wheezed, unconcerned about the lack of excitement he should be feeling. "Let's get this over with, then."

He began to slowly bring himself to the side of the bed, holding in a groan at the pain that rocketed through his body with each miniscule movement. He was grateful when Anderson came over and helped him up, it eased the pain a little now that he wasn't straining as hard as he had been beforehand.

That was when he saw the small mirror in the nurses talons. Likely to give him so he could see what was left of his face… Fear began to rise slowly, so slowly that he was barely aware of it at first…

But as the doctors and nurses began to unwrap the restrictive material from his being, slowly feeling his body being exposed to the outside world after so long, he began to panic. He didn't know what awaited him. But as he saw the faces of everyone in the room, Anderson looking slightly horrified and the nurses wincing and giving him pitying looks when they thought he wasn't looking…

They finally got to his head, and he had long since stopped looking down, he had caught a glimpse of his feet and he only wanted to believe that only they were going to look like scarred, messy abominations…

Then the faces wrappings began to loosen, before they fell off completely…

"Oh god..." He heard Anderson breathe out…

"What?" He said, looking at them, watching as some of the less professional among them took a step away…

' _Oh no… please don't as bad as they're making it out to be...'_

"Here, son." Anderson's wavering voice snapped him out of his intrusive thoughts before they began, handing him the mirror from the Turian nurses hand.

John sighed lightly, steeling himself. Did he really want to look down into the mirror? He had been waiting for this moment since he had been told of his afflictions. He wanted this over with, but now that the thing that would answer his question was in his hands… He felt hesitant…

But he knew that he had to do this… for himself if not anyone else…

He looked down…

A gasp…

The sound of glass breaking…

The feeling of disgust, sorrow and fear overcame him…

Then after he started to hear the voices beyond his vision, he blacked out…

(– 0 –)

Cliffy….

This is the shortest chapter i've made. But i feel that this is the best place to leave it for next chapter. Sorry if it isn't as long as you probably wanted...


	5. Broken: Four

**Listening to Slipknot 'The Devil In I' when writing The Illusive Man is actually really fun and inspiring to a shocking degree. Even though it doesn't completely suit his character.**

 **I should also point out that this was never meant to be a super-massive behemoth of a story. So Time skips are used more frequently than I usually would allow myself to. You're looking at a story that may span 30 to 40 chapters if go into vast detail. But the start up will be quick and to the point.**

( – 0 -)

(The Illusive Man – Chronos Station – Horsehead Nebula)

He had always found the Horsehead Nebula to be an interesting, the odd formation the gasses within that had shaped itself into a creature which resides on Earth representing everything his organisation stood for. Bravery, Courage, Effectiveness. It was almost as if the system was destined to find itself housing Humanities sword within it's regal solar walls. Isolating its presence from those who misunderstood its intention, its goal…

it was all cloaked from society itself, improving, progressing, making its strength and securing its influence through subversion and monopoly. Truly, Humanity couldn't ask for a better defenders… Even if they didn't understand.

After all, he was The Illusive Man. His entire being was a game of smoke and mirrors as was his goals, arguably even more shrouded than his past was.

The modified light from the stations star poured through the See-through lens of his office. Giving him more than enough light than he frankly had any need for as his eyes scoured through the numerous reports of the day. Splinter cells and secret operations sending findings, analyses and one or two reports of failure. He bent his head forward slightly, lifting his hand up before placing the cigarette in his mouth. Taking a drag and letting the nicotine fill his lungs, soothing his body from the stresses of his position. Things were precarious as it was, he knew the truth of what was coming and he couldn't afford to allow any more time pass him by.

The Reapers were coming…

And the Commander was dead, their only weapon against the abominable, treacherous, synthetic monsters that were slowly but surely pressing upon them all… Her brother was the only person he saw capable of having a chance to stop whatever was coming, but he was broken, physically, mentally and spiritually. A mere shell of what was once a formidable soldier. One the most promising hand-to-hand specialists in the galaxy and useful people that could have single handedly-turned the tides like his sister.

Even then, he was not his sister, who had always managed to do the impossible, secure friendships, accomplish difficult tasks and convince her subordinates to march into hell and back with her. No, John Shepard needed to stay alive to aid her sister in the upcoming war, something she would want and need. But The galaxy needed Jane Shepard…

Almost as if the answer to his thoughts were answered, he heard the door behind him open, he relaxed slightly, listening to the loud, sharp clacking of heels on his floor.

"Miss Lawson." He greeted, stopping the woman in her tracks behind him. "I take it you have good news for me?"

"Of course." Came the cool response behind him. Immediately upon hearing those words, he began opening various documents and programs, knowing exactly what the operative behind him would need.

"Do you have the body?"

Miranda huffed. "Yes, though T'Soni was extremely hesitant to part with it. She came to see our perspective once we gave her the right information."

He nodded. "Doctor T'Soni's talents will be noted and promptly rewarded. Her contribution has been very beneficial."

Miranda had taken the time to step up towards his window, looking out and towards the beautiful star before them. "It was, her skills will be extremely helpful to her, especially if she stays out of the Shadow Brokers clutches."

"Agreed." He took in one last drag of his cigarette before fizzling it out in the ash tray. "Then Project Lazarus can proceed as planned."

"Of course, sir."

"You'll need these to begin with." He opened her omni-tool, uploading budgets, schematics, communications and locations to the powerful device. "Our previous head was… inefficient… So I am trusting you to lead this project from now on."

"I'm flattered, sir." Miranda turned, her voice full of confidence as she gave him a nod.

' _I'm lucky to have such a dedicated operative...'_

"The that will be all… You know where to go. Good luck, Miss Lawson."

He gave the woman a small, almost imperceptible nod as he turned back to his numerous panels. Feeling the need for another cigarette arise as the news articles began to role in. All articles revolving around the incapacitated Shepard, he had to hand it to his technicians, they had built magnificent sensors, able to key certain words down to a Margin of Error of 0.12%. Whilst not better than most formal military equipment, it gave him leeway and the convenience that Alliance sensors would restrict.

He opened up the first article and he let out a breath, his eyes freezing on the image before him…

"Dear god..." He murmured, sympathy welling up within his body as he gazed at what was left of the Ex-Commander Shepard. His wounds were bad, visibly distinct and likely too painful to bear thought. The sight reminded him of old friends, friends who died in gruesomely painful ways during the First Contact war. The images of his brothers and sister in such a state would never leave him, and it reminded him of why he did what he did. No one, not even the Turians deserved to suffer like that and especially not human beings.

He managed to tear his eyes away from the picture, focussing on the grim details below. He could instantly spot the wonderful writing he could associate with any skilled journalist or author, the way words were warped and welded into a visually and – more importantly – audibly satisfying paragraph. But the subject matter of the words took away much of the beauty they had. An amputation, a near useless normal arm, weakened organs and slow decay of the body… He felt for the man effected, John Shepard was many things, a thorn in his side, a nuisance and an irritating man, but The Illusive Man respected him, his combat prowess equal to that of his sister, his strength to overcome almost anything and his ability to survive.

John Shepard reminded him too much of himself when he was his age. The First Contact War had ruined many men and women's lives, almost as many as it had ended. He was grateful to any deity that was out their that they deemed him worthy to live through it. He almost felt bad for what his organisation had done to Shepard, but the data was worth all of it.

"This won't do..." He sighed, his right hand moving over to the comms, knowing what he would have to do now.

Jane Shepard would be back, but she needed to feel invested in this, to do that she needed to listen to him and she wouldn't ever think about such a thing with what Cerberus had done.

His mind raced, trying to think of ways he could secure her allegiance.

"Miss Lawson." He rasped, waiting for her natural response. Second nature to her by now.

"What is it, sir?"

"Now, now Miranda, no need to be too formal with me." His hand moved over to the packet of cigarettes. "I am sending you extra funding… and an extra, immediate task that must be accomplished before your main one."

"What is it?" He could hear the surprise in her voice…

It was a long shot, but if it worked, then Jane's allegiances would be almost guaranteed…

"I am sending you the latest and most advanced blueprints on cybernetics, implants and weaponry we have. I want John Shepard rehabilitated whenever possible..."

( – 0 – )

(John Shepard – SSV Mercy – Local Cluster)

– 3 Months Later –

John sat on the bed, listlessly staring into the ground as the he allowed the soft humming of the ships drive core to envelope his ears. He dared not looked up, unwilling to stare at the enclosing walls that felt as if they were pressing down upon him. The regression was easy for him to note: Where he once found comfort in such an environment he now only found uneasiness and the constricting knot in his gut from what those walls represented.

A chilling Isolation…

He winced a little, unused to the consistent prickling within his veins He must look so pathetic right now...

Hunched over, head uncomfortably perched in his only hand that struggled to hold its position. The pain registered, but it felt dull, faded, like it had lost its sting, leaving him with nothing but the tingling irritation of its remains that flooded his body like a tidal wave full of tiny needles and thumb tacks, more annoying than painful now. Far better than how it had been.

The temperature wasn't giving him the comfort he so wanted, typical Alliance acclimatization techniques. The ships their soldiers served on were always adjusted to be colder than what people were used to, not to the point of detriment, but to help the soldiers get used to the uncomfortable conditions

At least… it should have been, he never paid much attention to the different uniforms of the Alliance. He knew them well enough, but his mind was foggy. Jane was always better at retaining the information, he was always the fighter, the brute, the soldier.

And she was the perfect one…

His chest tightened as he took in a deep breath, hoping to relive the feeling. But as much as he tried, the pain never left, his heart and soul were not only shattered, but irreparable. In the end, all he could count on were the days to his demise. If he were lucky, he'd die before the Reapers came, he'd seen enough gruesome death, enough friends leave him. What little value he still had left to hold onto had left, distancing themselves away from him and leaving him to his lonesome.

Maybe the galaxy really didn't deserve a saviour after-all. Happy endings always were a commonality among fiction, the real world was far less forgiving, less wishy-washy…

If he focussed, he could hear the sounds of multiple footsteps from the other side of his room. He was probably within the range of Earth at this point, close to the homeworld he had never been too, where he never held any value beyond the cold statistics. The homeworld from where he'd likely live out the rest of his days, forever in pain, unable to take care of himself properly. The homeworld, from where he'd never leave again…

Every now and then he could hear a few snippets of muffled, intelligible conversation. It didn't make sense, but the crew-men sounded lively, As if life had been injected into them along with a hard-dose of caffeine. It was hurried and getting more chaotic…

' _Must be a rough entry…'_

He wondered what had them all so energetic, maybe friends, lovers, family. All awaiting them all on Earth, someone to go back to and enjoy their time with, a value of which can never be matched.

Weakly, he removed his head from the perch of his hand, the appendage almost fell down uselessly right then and it was then he realised just how long he had been in that position. A growl tried to escape his throat, but all that left was an insipid wheeze, how weak he had truly become. Maybe he needed to get up for a little bit.

His legs groaned from the strain, but John found himself standing before he knew it. He slowly limped over towards the sink, trying to avoid the mirror as best as he could as he turned the tap on and instantly splashed his face with the cool liquid that soothed his skin…

Though he couldn't help but feel disgust at the leathery feel of what was left…

He looked up, though didn't know why. He knew what awaited him within the mirror, and it wasn't anything he wanted to remind himself of any time… But it was all he really had left now. His broken identity.

There not a single hair on his head left, replaced by a horrid, blotchy patch of reddened, sickly scar tissue that rippled and froze into a horrific mold of leathery skin. His once thick hair that he used to let flow before joining the alliance was gone, never to come back, though the replacement matched his face perfectly… and he hated that.

He looked like a monster in a horror novel… He eyebrows were just as beyond repair as his nose, which was patchy, blotchier than his head and was covered twisted into a small puddle that melted into his face rather than stick out like any other.

His lips were dry, cracked, no longer looking like lips and more like a creature that had them removed. They were in unbearable contrast to the rest of his face in that it held not blotches, but a pure, mono-coloured white.

Even looking at what his only arm left he could see that upcoming effects of that exposure…

"I'm going to lose this arm too…" He whispered, his eyes painfully dragging over the blackened spots on the appendage. Signs of decay were settling in and it would likely be a year before the arm would have to go. If he could cry he would have, had he not lost enough?

Suddenly he heard the drive-core shut down, only to be followed by the noises of confused and oddly alert crew-members. Anger flowed through him, what could be going on to cause the core to shut down? Was the pilot responsible or the damn engineers? The only thing he wanted was to rot on Earth, that was the last bit of control he had left in his life, so why couldn't that go smoothly?

"Fucking idiots." He spat before he could stop himself. Listening to the quickening footsteps suddenly stop. But when he expected to hear the ship start up again he was met with silence…

"What's going on…?" He murmured, his gut was telling him something was up… Was the chatting form earlier about this sudden situation? He didn't know, but – surprisingly – he didn't care either. If he was going to die today it would be more of a release than a damnation. He had nothing left, what could a cabal of slavers or thugs possibly do to him now?

The lights flickered, sending the room into a state of pitch blackness, John couldn't see anything beyond the sink before losing his footing to the sudden rumbling of the ship, landing harshly on his shoulder with a sharp groan. Pain shot through him, acting like a paralytic to his body as he tried to recover for the sudden painful tingling burning his arm.

Holding back his moans, John tried to focus on the goings on from beyond his temporary quarters, trying desperately to catch anything akin to something human, voices, gunfire, anything…

But he was met with as much silence as he was darkness…

Though as unnerved as he was, the Ex-Commander refused to move. The pain hadn't fully subsided and even if it had, he still couldn't see. This was expected to be his last journey, there wasn't any need for a gun anymore beyond a Heavy Pistol. With that in mind, he had left everything behind, unwilling to look at any of it anymore than he was to use it.

And as he heard almost silent footsteps, John realised how stupid of an idea that was…

"You sure this is the right room?" A muffled voice asked.

John looked over to where he assumed the door was. Trying to make sense of anything beyond the initial question. Another voice responded, clearly female with an Australian accent, confusion, apprehension and anger fillied him to the brim.

' _Something's not right here. They don't sound like any Alliance trooper I know...'_ John's brow creased, wincing at the tightness he felt in his forehead after the action. It certainly couldn't be anyone in the alliance, not only did the helmets sound less clear, the clear frustration and lack of any professionalism in either voice didn't help.

"Fine, be ready on my signal." The woman responded after a mighty sigh.

"Aye aye, ma'am."

Suddenly, the lights flickered back on, making John hiss and squeeze his eyes shut, ignoring the unpleasant feeling it brought to his cheeks and forehead. His ears were subsequently filled with the sound of the door opening with a soft hiss along with an 'Oh my god...'.

He felt shame well up in his gut from the reaction. He knew it was about his new look, he must look more alien than human at this point. A barely recognisable being, unfit to survive in the cruel universe around him.

Opening his eyes, he gave the owner of the voice a cold glare, making the man shift, unnerved by the action. He was a Black Man, bulky, shaved head like an alliance troop with a cool yet not unfriendly glint in his eyes.

"Commander Shepard?" He looked over, his eyes coming across an extremely pleasant sight. The woman with the Australian accent stood before him, all her curves and bust on display. Her face, perfectly angled and framed with Raven coloured hair that cascaded down the sides of her face like a waterfall.

Though when he heard his old title, his throat barked a painful sound, a mix between a laugh and a cough.

"Not anymore..." He gave the woman a look, he body may have been near perfection, but the way she looked at him with those cold eyes was an angering sight.

"For now, perhaps." Was all she said. John gave a her a frown, clearly they were not alliance, but he couldn't bring himself to feel fear at the clear raid. It wasn't like they could do much more to him.

"What are you both doing here?" He asked, trying to sound as casual as possible without hurting his throat. "This isn't exactly a trading ship, it's an alliance frigate."

"Hmm, astute." The curvy woman remarked as she strode towards the bed, hips swaying all the way before taking a seat.

"That's my bed." John slowly fought his body to stand back up. Giving the man a scowl when he took a step forward, making him step back again.

He took another look at the two, something was weird about them. The uniforms were odd, but he was ultimately interested in the logo on their outfits. It was familiar, like it held some-

"Cerberus!" He growled, feeling his throat tickle painfully at the sudden vibrations. Realisation marring his scarred face as rage welled up inside him.

The woman saw this and quickly stood up. "Careful, 'Commander'. We don't want to strain ourselves any-"

"Miranda..." The man finally spoke, giving her a small look before turning back to face John. Putting his hands up, seemingly in a placating gesture.

The motion didn't do much.

"Get away from me, the both of you..." He backed up slowly, feeling his back press up against the corner of the sink behind him. "Finally come to finish the job?"

"Shepard, we aren't here to kill you..." The man responded, his voice firm, but not aggressive or sarcastic.

"Sure, the second I turn my back I end up with bullets piercing it." He scoffed, his eyes darting between the two of them, alert with anger.

"It seems like that would be a mercy, considering our little situation." 'Miranda' coldly retorted, only tensing when John limped towards her.

"Keep your mouth shut before I stuff one of your tits down you throat to do it for you." Miranda moved away from him before he could get any closer. Her face scrunching up in disgust at the thought.

"Miranda, can we try not to antagonise him any further? This isn't helping anyone." The man said, quickly moving between her and John. "Let's just do what we came to do and leave before anyone wakes up."

"Very well." The man sighed, relief evident on his face as Miranda began to speak to John.

"Yes, please. Do leave." John muttered, face as red as it could be from the emotions he felt. Ignoring the blatant scornful look he received from both people.

"Commander Shepard, we have come here, with great difficulty and risk to our lives. And despite what you might think, no. We aren't here to kill you, or anyone else for that matter. Our reasons for being here our different… and beneficial for you, and Humanity."

"Yeah, yeah. Just cut to the chase." John growled, his eyes boring a hole into her head.

Miranda grit her teeth, frustration starting to show. "Fine, since you are that impatient. WE can offer you a once in a lifetime opportunity."

"And that would be?"

"Your life back."

He froze…

The words rolled around in his head for a second, ceasing all other functions. He looked over at the mirror, catching a glance of his face in the corner before looking back.

"Cerberus has the funds, the passion and technology to give you everything you had back. We can give you another arm… though we may need an extra one with how the other looks." She explained, finishing by pointing at his black and red arm.

"How..."

Miranda smirked…

"Glad to see I have you attention." Her remark was brushed off quickly, but she didn't stop in her stride. "Our equipment – when constructed – can give you cybernetic arms, obviously much stronger than any organic arms ever could be. You would be treated for the Eezo-exposure immediately as well as remove any trace of it from your system and whilst it won't remove the damage to your body, it would certainly stop killing you."

She gave the blank faced man a once-over. "We may also be able to remove most of that scarring too, re-invigorate your head to, giving you hair and such. You will no longer look like a monster as you have for the past month and beyond."

Everything she had said… was it really possible?

He looked down, realising that his one and only hand was shaking, not because it was weak, but because of the pure adrenaline he felt overtaking his body. He really shouldn't and his mind quickly felt shame for even considering it… but the chance to not be doomed to this hell?

"W..." He tried, failing spectacularly before trying again. "What's the catch?"

The man stepped up this time.

"The catch is… well… You would be a kind-of operative for us, at least for a while, not forever of course." His answer even left him cringing… But John couldn't attack him, it was a hell of a generous offer.

His mind refused to calm, too focussed on processing everything he had come to find out. The entire month and before had been complete hell, The Normandy was gone as were a few of the crewmen. His injuries were inflicted on that ship, Tali had left, not even visiting once before going away, back the fleet. Garrus too, visiting once before – By Anderson's account – disappearing and his recovery almost a month later…

Though he would never forget the face he met in the mirror for the first time…

The anger came back full-force. With the renewed energy, he gave them both his best hateful stare before uttering the most malice-filled words he could muster…

"Get off this ship and never ever search for me again..." He spoke softly, but with a dangerously low hiss. "I will not let you live the next time I see either of you."

The man sighed, his face falling like it had suddenly become a victim to Dekuuna's heavy gravity. Giving him one last defeated look before turning around and walking away…

Miranda gave him a shake of the head before turning too, he watched her walk away, ignoring the soft bounce her rear did every time she took a step. Just as she was standing in the doorway however, she turned around, giving him a look.

"You know, we do have another reason why we came to you..."

"I don't care." He grit his teeth. "Leave."

"Of course, I suppose that when your sister wakes up she'll have to see lots of unfamiliar faces instead of her loving brother." She sighed, shaking her had before swivelling once more.

' _Jane? What?'_

"Wait!" He tried raising his voice, watching as the woman stopped, looking down the hallway before turning back to look at him.

"I thought you reached you decis-"

"Tell me what you're doing with my sister." He glared. Growing confused when Miranda smiled at him, almost like she knew hat she had won something.

"We have her body, you know?" She said, walking back into the room and leaning her back against the wall next to the door. Letting John freeze for a while before continuing. "We plan to reconstruct her, bring her back to life."

"Bullshit, nothing can beat nature!" John retorted. Making the woman scowl.

"Allow me to be the first, then..." She remarked. Confidence emanating from her body as she spoke up again. "As I was saying: The Illusive Man himself commissioned her revival. Project Lazarus will take place with or without you. Whether you want to benefit from this too is up to you."

It all seemed unreal… it probably was unreal. But something about the way Miranda spoke, full of confidence and assurance. If it was a lie, then she probably had herself fooled… or she was telling the truth."

John had a choice, that he knew for certain. He could stay here, let them leave and inform the crew of what happened when they awoke from whatever these two had done to them. The Alliance would be on alert and Cerberus would likely have more trouble up their sleeve. Or he could go with them, believe their story and gain his life back with a few strings attached…

Both decisions had benefits, but his mind was screaming at him. 'Refuse, ignore, kill them'. These people were terrorists that promoted the same group that killed his squad on Akuze, he had no reason to give them anything…

But did he really have anything to lose by complying? What did he have to gain?

"Well?" Miranda broke his train of thought with her irritated non-question. "Have you reconsidered our offer?" She asked, turning her head a little to see the man standing next to her, looking at John.

Had he?

He had nothing to lose and everything to gain…

His sister would be with him again and he would, at the very least, die peacefully…

His mind set, he looked up and gave them a steely stare.

"Where's your shuttle?"

( – 0 – )

 **I hope this ain't too badly written. But let me know your thoughts eitherway.**

 **Praise, criticism, like, dislikes Improvements and such.**

 **See you next time,**

 **-Viperhat**


End file.
